Because it's Friday

What a difference a year makes. At this time last year, my daughter was on the auction block, I was ready to run away from home, and what little homework my kids brought home was more confusing than iTunes. Today, my daughter brushed her hair without me asking, I'm home sick, and the children have not run away. I'm calling this a win.

At 11, Ethel was less than thrilled about going to summer camp this year until she found out that some of the kids from the last couple summers would be going again this year. Fred is rather indifferent about these things, but will sometimes admit that he'd like to stay home once in a while instead. This summer we totally lucked out in the game of childcare, in that my mom agreed to take the kids for a spell over the summer. Yes, that's right, we were CHILDLESS for THREE WHOLE WEEKS!!!!

What do parents do when their children are gone for such a time? That's a really good question, and we spent the whole three weeks trying to figure that out.

Loaded and ready to head to sunny skies.

Ethel doing her best, "I'm not going to cry".

For the kids, there was plenty of fun, sun, swimming, junk food, sleeping, and time with their Nani. Nani has reunited with a friend from high school who is also navigating his golden years on his own, and they have joined forces to navigate those years together. In talking to the kids about how to address him, Fred offered the sweet name of Professor Poopy Pants, after a succession of other names which can't be blogged at this time. The kids took to him like butter to toast, especially Fred, and they had such a great time in Florida, as pictured here:

Hi, Mom! It's so SUNNY!

So what did Mommy and Daddy do for three weeks? Well, I'll summarize it by telling you that the house is clean, the kids' rooms are cleaned and purged, and we kept the three fish and two cats alive. Another big win. Prior to departure, Ethel's greatest fear was that we would let the cats and fish die, as parents are apparently inept when it comes to feeding and caring for animals. The argument makes total sense to an 11 year old, so we agreed to do our best with the pets, but made no promises. We won the bet. We did get to see the kids on Skype on occasion, which was reassurance that they were not running away with the circus. Well, sort of.

We did get out a little and have some time with friends, Daddy tried to learn how to take a selfie, we went away for a few days, and, best of all, I had a break from the never ending cycle of trying to plan and execute meals that all of us would eat. The grocery bill was lower than it's been in 12 years! Sadly, my life is exciting enough that this made me super happy. As in, I haven't been that happy about groceries in a long, long time.

Daddy trying to learn the art of the selfie.

I admit that the last week of the trip, I was pretty anxious about the kids' return. I was both excited and bummed about planning meals, the start of the school year, and early morning alarm clocks. You don't realize what takes up your time until your kids are gone. A friend of mine was right when she said, "It makes you wonder what you'd be doing with your time if you didn't have kids". Yes, this. Nobody needs anything. Nobody interrupts you with demands or fights. The house was so.very.quiet. And clean.

Little humans make such messes. Little humans usually don't clean up those messes. Lucky for our little humans, we got a brand new vacuum cleaner while they were gone! In all honesty, this excited me more than the grocery thing. It's wonderful. We have now taught the kids how to use it, and using it is on their list of weekend jobs. This does not excite the little humans. At all.

We're off to a good start to the school year, too. Ethel started 6th grade and takes the bus for the first time. She joined cross country, and came in 12th overall for 6th grade girls in her first meet. She's got a strategy for placing higher in the next meet. Fred is in his first inline hockey league. Skill-wise, he's in the middle of the pack on his 10-kid team, and is getting better each day. Scouts is back in swing, and we're about to become popcorn pushers. Oh how I love that popcorn.

Where do we go next? Well, Ethel has declared that she is going to make her Halloween costume this year. She wants to be a unicorn. When asked about this costume, I was advised, quite gruffly, "You'll SEE!". Will she trick or treat? "Of course, why wouldn't I {complete with eye roll}?". Stay tuned. Fred is still undecided on his costume.

Until next time.....

The identity of MOM

A friend of mine was sharing her feelings on becoming a mom of a school age kid, as her oldest begins kindergarten this week.  I think we all go through a myriad of emotions as our children reach different milestones, but for some reason the start of kindergarten seems to hit most of us the hardest.  Whether we work outside the home or at home (let's face it, every mom WORKS), seeing our little ones enter the realm of school is a tough pill to swallow. 

Our little babies are swallowed by backpacks (well mine is, she's tiny), meeting new kids, they have a new teacher, they're exposed to all kinds of new things.  Will they make friends?  Will they find the bathroom?  Will they ask questions if they need help?  Will they be able to open their lunch box?  Will they know where to go when they get off the bus, and where to go to get back on at the end of the day? 

Unlike the comfort of the day care, where we walk them to a room, give them hugs and kisses and leave them with a teacher who will give them a hug or rest them in their lap, now we're shoving them out of the car (minivan, perhaps?) at the sidewalk hoping they get to their classroom.  It's almost like airport security for some of us.  You can only go so far before you hit the "no parents zone", defined by an imaginary line, and the kids are effectively on their own.  That's if you're lucky enough that your kid will let you go as far as the imaginary line, and they're not already embarassed to be getting dropped off by their parents and getting a hug and kiss in front of the whole school.  I'm sorry, I digress.

Oh, there are so many worries we have as parents as we send our kids off to school.  My day is coming tomorrow, and I am only hoping I can sleep tonight.  And that I remember to pack her lunch.  But that's another story altogether.

On the flip side of the coin, for me (and many moms) this means that I'm an adult.  I'm one of those people they call 'parents'.  What the hell?  When did that happen?  Seriously?  Only adults do that.  I'm not an adult.  Wait, what?  That's *my* kid going to school?  Come on, you're nuts.  I'm.......wait.....um.....sigh.....

I almost can't finish the sentence.  I'm an adult.  OK, so my first sign might have come when I signed my first apartment lease, or when I started my first job, surpassed 10 years at my second job, or even when I bought my first place.  But.it.didn't.  I have been in denial for many years now.  Reality is slowly coming at me from behind, striking me in the back of the head as if to say, "Hey, Lady!".  And we all know what it means when they start to call you Lady.  Craptastic.

I pull up to a softball game (intercompany beer league) with two huge car seats in my back seat and remember when I used to pull up with beer in the back seat. I look around at all the 20-somethings going out for happy hour after work like I used to, and I'm going to pick up the kids. I see all the skinny girls walking around in cute clothes, and can't remember the last time I bought anything tighter than a garbage bag, let alone the last time I bought something for myself at all.


But then I get home. Home is my world. My family and kids are the focus at home. Nothing else matters. I don't have the same crisis when I'm at home. It's when I'm out, usually without them, that I feel like I'm not the same me that I was 10 years ago. And I went through the Chuck Taylors yesterday when I was at Target, remembering my first pair back in college, hoping that I might get myself another pair really soon. I also recently donated my beloved Doc Marten Mary Janes. And last night at Meijer, when I took Ethel to the "back to school" section, I felt like I should run for the hills. I seriously felt conflicted.

I feel like a huge dork so often, and can't believe that I have become who/what I am right now. I'm conformist in ways I never imagined I could ever be. I work in an office, a corporate office. I own a home, a Saturn, and live in the 'burbs. It doesn't get much worse than that.

But it doesn't get much better, either. I'm really hoping that I can resolve my identity conflict soon because I often feel like I spend more time on that than I do enjoying where I am today, and thriving as the mom my kids should have, and the wife my husband married. Still, I have to say, I wouldn't trade where I'm at today for anything.
 
I think that after dropping my daughter off at school tomorrow, I'll return home and put in my best cassette copy of Upstairs at Eric's {note to self - find cassette player} and dance with Fred.  While I cry.  Then I'll drink more coffee.
 
Updates to follow.