Thursday, March 8, 2012

A bipolar mind and body

Maybe if I do this, my hip won't hurt?
I had this awesome post drafted Tuesday night after core class and then the laptop died and the whole thing disappeared.  Honestly, it was sort of the icing on the cake that evening.

Monday night at PT, I got (KT) taped and felt great through Tuesday.  I had no pain or discomfort or feeling of weakness in my hip.  Tuesday night was core class.  I did an exercise I knew, mid-exercise, I shouldn't have done.  But I did it, and did my best to keep up with the instructor (another mistake).  My form was wrong, I didn't get the weight over my head, but I did the basic moves.  It felt good that I could do even as much as I was doing.  Then, when class was done, I knew I'd done my body wrong.  I was in pain and limping.  The pain was my injury pain, that pain in the groin.  Why did I do that to myself?

I was feeling so good for two days, then got home and was limping terribly and really down.  I knew that with the pain being there, the injury hasn't really healed.  All this work has served to strengthen what needed help to begin with, but hasn't healed the wound.  Sigh.

I went from excited and hopeful to depressed and negative, almost daring myself to lace up and hit the road for a short run, just to give a big middle finger to being hurt.  See, I'm stubborn.  If you tell me I can't do something, I'm more likely to do it.  Except clean a bathroom, for example.  I'll take your word on that one.  :)

Where do I get tickets to this theme park?

Being injured has been a blow to both my fitness and any inkling of positivity I might harbor.  It's also been a huge roller coaster, both emotionally and physically.  One day I feel good and have no pain and can see my next easy run on the horizon, the next I hurt and have trouble walking, and I can't fathom the time when I can run again.  Sometimes I waver several times a day, sometimes several times an hour.  Tuesday night might have been my lowest.  At least, now that I'm feeling a little better it seems like it was.  It might not have been, but it sucked nonetheless.

I'm really just sick of the up and down with my emotions and the pain.  One day I'm limping, the next I feel no pain.  One day I can't see the forest for the trees, the next day I'm (mentally) running through the forest.  Ugh!

I finish my three weeks of PT tonight.  Next I am going to call a sports med practice that has treated many of the folks on my racing team and see where that gets me.  I need to run soon or my brain might just explode.  Last night at PT I did get to march on the exercise trampoline and it felt good.  Let's hope that translates to the feeling I have when I hit the road next.  Whenever that might be.

I just want to see progress in one direction or the other and get off this roller coaster of injury.  Hopefully, that will come very soon.  I can't afford my wine habit as it is, let alone the spike in consumption that comes along with drowning my sorrows!