Tuesday, June 25, 2013

I don't have AD...wait, a squirrel!

There is so much I could say about living as an adult with ADD.  I would, in fact, but, I can't organize all my thoughts into something coherent that would be worthy of someone spending time reading it. Just getting to this entry has taken me weeks.

As a parent, as a mom, I can clearly see the impact of my ADD because it comes out in my family, specifically my kids. I can't organize my own time, my own life, how can I expect my children to be any better? How can I expect them to keep their rooms clean when I don't keep up with my own, let alone the rest of the house? How can I expect them to know what needs to be done, when I am too overwhelmed to know, myself? How can I teach my kids good time and money management, when I don't practice it, myself?
When did she have time to do her hair?
Once I start these questions, I begin the game of self-blame. It's my fault. I am not doing my job. I'm not an effective parent. I am breeding the behaviour, the problem, and not acting as part of a solution. But what's the solution? I'm not cut out for this.

Once that begins, it's not long before the defeat sets in. Suddenly, the hole gets deeper, and the light outside gets more dim. Before long, I've managed to convince myself that only something drastic will help solve this pickle I've gotten myself into, and I must act NOW.

NOW usually involves a frantic day cleaning the house, going through a closet, or rearranging the furniture in a room or three. With a weekend of frenzy behind me, I turn around and there is yet another pile of stuff that I hadn't seen in the madness, and I'm back to square one. I have to start all over again and tackle this pile. Will it ever end?

Now I'm paralyzed. I can't see past the things I haven't done, or how to upkeep the things I have. Before I know it, everything is back to the same state of disarray it was in when I started my frenzy. At this point, a child usually wants something to eat, needs me to do something for them, or decides it's a good time to piss the other kid off and start a battle royale in the living room.
Forget Calgon...wine...take me away!
I have a supportive husband who keeps up with the dishes, and is often found doing the kids' laundry. I can't wait 'til those little buggers can reach the washer and dryer themselves. All kidding aside, I wouldn't be able to keep what little sanity I have if it weren't for Hot Dad.

Wine Running has also helped me curb some of the madness that comes along with ADD. Changes in my diet have also helped curb some of my symptoms, and helped my mind see things in a more positive light. I have more patience with my kids after I run, which is something I make a conscious effort to show every day.

Mommy running, by Ethel
There are times when it feels like there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel. Hell, who am I kidding, end? What end? Other times, though, I realize that it's all just one day at a time. I need to take things slowly (no easy feat for me), and not worry about everything all at once.

I'm doing my best to get there. I really am. I'm not certain why I wrote all this out. I think my mind needed to dump a few things, it's gotten pretty overloaded over the last few days. I guess if you got this far, I say thank you. I'm doing my best to make time to get back to the blog. And next time I see you, I will likely have a glass of wine in my hand, or be sweaty from running. What some might find crazy, I find to be necessary for survival. Oh, and chocolate. Chocolate is vital to making it through the tough times. And it pairs well with wine. Especially after a run. I digress....imagine that......