Because it's Friday

What a difference a year makes. At this time last year, my daughter was on the auction block, I was ready to run away from home, and what little homework my kids brought home was more confusing than iTunes. Today, my daughter brushed her hair without me asking, I'm home sick, and the children have not run away. I'm calling this a win.

At 11, Ethel was less than thrilled about going to summer camp this year until she found out that some of the kids from the last couple summers would be going again this year. Fred is rather indifferent about these things, but will sometimes admit that he'd like to stay home once in a while instead. This summer we totally lucked out in the game of childcare, in that my mom agreed to take the kids for a spell over the summer. Yes, that's right, we were CHILDLESS for THREE WHOLE WEEKS!!!!

What do parents do when their children are gone for such a time? That's a really good question, and we spent the whole three weeks trying to figure that out.

Loaded and ready to head to sunny skies.

Ethel doing her best, "I'm not going to cry".

For the kids, there was plenty of fun, sun, swimming, junk food, sleeping, and time with their Nani. Nani has reunited with a friend from high school who is also navigating his golden years on his own, and they have joined forces to navigate those years together. In talking to the kids about how to address him, Fred offered the sweet name of Professor Poopy Pants, after a succession of other names which can't be blogged at this time. The kids took to him like butter to toast, especially Fred, and they had such a great time in Florida, as pictured here:

Hi, Mom! It's so SUNNY!

So what did Mommy and Daddy do for three weeks? Well, I'll summarize it by telling you that the house is clean, the kids' rooms are cleaned and purged, and we kept the three fish and two cats alive. Another big win. Prior to departure, Ethel's greatest fear was that we would let the cats and fish die, as parents are apparently inept when it comes to feeding and caring for animals. The argument makes total sense to an 11 year old, so we agreed to do our best with the pets, but made no promises. We won the bet. We did get to see the kids on Skype on occasion, which was reassurance that they were not running away with the circus. Well, sort of.

We did get out a little and have some time with friends, Daddy tried to learn how to take a selfie, we went away for a few days, and, best of all, I had a break from the never ending cycle of trying to plan and execute meals that all of us would eat. The grocery bill was lower than it's been in 12 years! Sadly, my life is exciting enough that this made me super happy. As in, I haven't been that happy about groceries in a long, long time.

Daddy trying to learn the art of the selfie.

I admit that the last week of the trip, I was pretty anxious about the kids' return. I was both excited and bummed about planning meals, the start of the school year, and early morning alarm clocks. You don't realize what takes up your time until your kids are gone. A friend of mine was right when she said, "It makes you wonder what you'd be doing with your time if you didn't have kids". Yes, this. Nobody needs anything. Nobody interrupts you with demands or fights. The house was so.very.quiet. And clean.

Little humans make such messes. Little humans usually don't clean up those messes. Lucky for our little humans, we got a brand new vacuum cleaner while they were gone! In all honesty, this excited me more than the grocery thing. It's wonderful. We have now taught the kids how to use it, and using it is on their list of weekend jobs. This does not excite the little humans. At all.

We're off to a good start to the school year, too. Ethel started 6th grade and takes the bus for the first time. She joined cross country, and came in 12th overall for 6th grade girls in her first meet. She's got a strategy for placing higher in the next meet. Fred is in his first inline hockey league. Skill-wise, he's in the middle of the pack on his 10-kid team, and is getting better each day. Scouts is back in swing, and we're about to become popcorn pushers. Oh how I love that popcorn.

Where do we go next? Well, Ethel has declared that she is going to make her Halloween costume this year. She wants to be a unicorn. When asked about this costume, I was advised, quite gruffly, "You'll SEE!". Will she trick or treat? "Of course, why wouldn't I {complete with eye roll}?". Stay tuned. Fred is still undecided on his costume.

Until next time.....

Me time, week 5

This week I decided to do my me time another day, since today is Valentine's Day.  It's not a huge deal between my husband and I, but I thought it would be nice to spend the day together.  The whole day.  Plus, Ethel is totally into Valentine's Day, so I wanted to be around for the morning at least and give the kids cards and a small token that Nani mailed to each of them. 

Fred woke early again today, a pattern he started in the middle of the week.  This morning he held off until 5AM, so that was a lucky break.  Even being Daddy's day to get out of bed with the kids, I jumped out of bed as soon as I heard Fred open his bedroom door.  Daddy's reflexes are quite dulled in slumber, so I took this one for the team.  Fred agreed to turn on a light and play in his room, and he did so for about an hour and a half.  I have to admit (now that the sun is up and I've had some coffee), he was really sweet as he played with his cars in his room, quoting Dinosaur Train, singing songs, and organizing the cars by color.  I still dozed on and off until he finally exited his room, announcing that it was time to start the day.  He and Daddy brushed their teeth together and headed downstairs.  Ethel was still sleeping in her bed, having gone to bed late after a birthday party yesterday.

I somehow found sleep again and was able to keep my eyes shut and my mind turned off until about 7:30, when I decided to check the morning news franchises.  I'm a Good Morning America girl on the weekends, when I happen to catch the AM show.  It's been a while since I checked in on Bill and Kate, but, they haven't changed much since I last saw them.  Then I figured I'd check on Lester Holt over on Today, and learned about the Olympic happenings I'd missed while I was out last night, and couldn't keep my eyes open for later (sorry Apollo). 

I soon heard some noise from Ethel's room, and found her on her bed, having sorted the goodies from her adorable goody bag from yeterday's birthday party.  A cute Princess purse, one of those little metal ones with the beaded handle, filled with bubbles, some candy, and assorted other trinkets.  She's taken the candy aside, and then asked me to put it in the candy bin I have in the cabinet.  I guess my habit of scavenging the kids' goody bags over the years have paid off, as Ethel readily offered the candy for storage, rather than pulling the covers over her head attempting to hide while eating a Butterfinger.  I dutifully agreed to put the candy away for her, and she opted to play with her goodies instead of joining the boys downstairs and getting some breakfast.

Eventually she conceded and Daddy and the kids had breakfast while I watched a little Teen Mom, 5 Ingredient Fix, and the Biography on Elton John.  I am a sucker for mindless TV, and the ADD lends well to my ability to channel surf and still keep up with each show. :)

Daddy came in about a half hour ago to wish me Happy Valentine's Day, and agreed that I would spend a little more time relaxing before joining the family.  After all, the last four Sundays I was already heading out the door at this hour.  I wiped the sleep from my eyes and headed down to get a coffee.  I was pleasantly surprised to see that Daddy had remembered to turn on the coffee maker for me.  Suddenly, the fact that the dining room light was on (something that would normally irritate me) was a non-issue.  I got my coffee and came back upstairs to find Ethel wearing the Snow White dress she'd worn to the birthday party (and last weekend to the story time), which I'd placed in the laundry basket last night.  None of this bothers me right now.  Rather than walk around the house and nit-pick, as I so commonly do, I am enjoying a relaxing morning.

I realize that the past four Sunday mornings have allowed the kids and Daddy to establish a morning routine which doesn't require whining for Mommy, nor Mommy's intervention.  My house is calm, my family is happy, and anything that needs to be done will be there when I decide to tackle it.  What a gift my alone time, my me time, has given me.  Even if the calm is disturbed, even if Fred has a "I've been up for four hours and I'm crabby" meltdown, I've had this moment to see how wonderful my family is.

I will probably take this weekend off from my me time, and that's fine with me.  I hope the girls behind the counter at Panera understand, and I hope they still have a warm hazlenut coffee for me next week.  I'll miss hearing about what the three ladies did this week, what movie pulled back guy recommends, and seeing the two guys who got the tall table last week.  Hopefully we can all start again where we left off when I return next week.  We'll enjoy our coffee together.  I'll do my reading.  My kids will have their time with their Daddy.  And I'll have my coffee.  Yum.

It's ME time

17 January

Alone time is something that I don’t treat myself to, and hadn’t had any of until this morning. At the urging of a new friend, I’ve been instructed to leave the house once a week and depart from the rigors of life as a mom, if even for a short time. Skeptical, I agreed and began the assignment this morning.

My husband is entirely supportive of my having “me” time. We discussed and agreed on the best, or at least a good, time for me to have this time alone, and Sunday mornings won. For one thing, it’s his day to “wake up with” the kids. Now, I generally am the one who is woken by one or the other monkeys stirring, or coming into our room in the morning. So really it’s his morning to get out of bed with them and begin their day. This morning was a great one, starting at 5:50AM. I was woken from a pretty good sleep to the sounds of, “Daddy….I have bleeder coming out!” coming from the next room. Poor Fred has suffered nose bleeds for a while now, and he had a pretty good one this morning.

I got him settled and cleaned up, laid a towel over the stains on the sheets so that he could lay back down for at least a short time. He rocked with his Daddy for a bit before they agreed that he would just read a book in bed. I, then, laid in bed listening to him turn the pages and talk about the book, and sing whenever it popped into his head. Daddy has that desirable ability to fall back asleep, which he did, so I pulled out my iPod Touch and checked my Facebook page, played a little Scrabble, and tried to pass some time in hopes of being able to drift off again. Nope, didn’t happen.

I think my husband got out of bed some time between 6:30 and 7AM and got the kids dressed and downstairs for breakfast. I, then, got out of bed and hopped on the computer for a bit to look for the hours of some places I’d considered going to this morning during my scheduled alone time. 8AM-10AM is a great time for alone time, but, there isn’t much open at that hour, especially on a Sunday. Book stores (my first choice), closed. Library, closed. This left breakfast places and coffee shops. I don’t want to go somewhere and spend money I don’t really have to spare on breakfast alone, and I don’t want to go spend a ton of money on coffee which I could make myself at home for a fraction of the per cup cost. Yes, finances are tight and if I’m going to treat myself to time without the family regularly, it can’t add up to a small fortune.

OK, so venue chosen, I finally prep myself for public presentation. Well, I basically spruced up enough to allow myself to be seen without looking like a homelss person. Ponytail, contacts in the eyes, jeans and a sweatshirt, and I was all set. Here I go!

I chose a local Panera and grabbed a few dollars from a little jar which I keep spare singles in so I could get a coffee. I’ve been to Paneras over the years, but never alone and just to sit. So I grabbed a book, hoping to get a few pages read if I found a comfy enough spot at the restaurant. See, I guess I still see restaurants as places where you go, you order, you eat, and you leave. The whole coffe house, hang out at Starbucks was big when I was in college, but, that just wasn’t my bag. Plus, I didn’t really start to drink coffee ’til I was a junior in college, and by then I was quite happy with my seat at the library. It was there or the Shoneys out by the highway when we pulled all nighters, but getting a ride off campus wasn’t always the easiest thing to do, and nothing was close to campus.

Anyhow, I was a little nervous, I have to admit. Unlike some people, I’m not that confident in doing things like this alone. I enjoy being with others. On top of that, places like this tend to intimidate me when they make it impossible to order coffee by name. It’s almost like being in a foreign country. Actually, it reminds me of trying to order tea with cream and sugar in New Zealand. I distinctly recall standing in a bakery in Queenstown, NZ trying to figure out how to order a tea with cream and sugar. I had mastered ordering pies after meeting a Kiwi on my flight into Auckland who not only showed me the sights of the city, but, introduced me to the variety of pies found everywhere in the small country. I’m part English, have been a tea drinker all my life, and couldn’t for the life of me figure out this half white, half and black, whatever it was that they called it. I just wanted a tea!!

I digress. My hesitation at ordering coffee in commercial, or even local, coffee places is based on my own insecurity, but, suffice it to say I don’t generally enjoy having to learn how to order something as basic as a coffee. This is one of the reasons I opted for Panera. They offer coffee. And it’s good. And I can refill my cup. Enough said.

As I drove from my house, I felt a little strange. I’m not used to doing for me. This is a common thing among women, among moms. We get so used to doing for others that we lose sight of what it’s like to do for ourselves. I focused on this as I got out of my car. Donned in the only pair of jeans that fit me right now (which were hand me downs), my Eastland shoes my mom got me at least 8 years ago, my husband’s old sweatshirt, I realized how little I’ve done for myself over the years. I can’t even tell you the last time I shopped for myself. Part of this is due to lack of funding for such an operation, but I have always had a hard time spending my money, especially on ME. Ugh, it’s so annoying. Now, I have likely painted a picture of some perfect candidate for the show What Not to Wear, but I assure you it’s not that bad (wait, don’t they all say that???). My point is, I neglect myself, and as I walked into the place, I was glad I had taken on this assignment for me time.

I approached the counter after seeing that they did have some flavoured coffees on tap. Whew. I don’t inherently like the taste of coffee, and I pretty much have a little coffee with my cream and sugar. Then I realized that they have some appealing breakfast options which would not break my small bank (pocket). Another sigh of relief.

I ordered, grabbed my cup, receipt, and square “your order’s ready” contraption and found a booth to sit in. The two comfy arm chairs (yes, only two, grrrr) were taken, so I opted for a booth, figuring I’d move to a table if the place got real busy. Luckily, it didn’t, at least not that I was aware. I say that because, as I’d mentioned, I brought a book. Not just any book, some might say. I brought with me my borrowed copy of Twilight. The rock I live under isn’t big enough to shelter me from the phenom that is this book series. I also am witness to the craze every day in my close-knit online community of moms that I’ve been part of for the better part of my daughter’s life. A coworker of mine read the books and lent them to me on a “return them whenever you’re done” basis. I was an avid reader as a kid until high school when reading was assigned, not just for fun. I think that’s really when I lost my childhood interest in reading. Of course, that’s not to say that I didn’t read an occaisional book for fun, not like I did as a kid. I brought the book with me figuring that I’d look less silly being in a restaurant alone if I had my nose in a book, and if it didn’t hold my interest, I’d leave and find something else to do and somewhere else to go.

So, I entered the world of Twilight this morning. I’m learning about Fords, WA and the strange people that live there. As I sat reading the book, I peered up only a few times, seeing the other patrons order their morning fare and find that just right spot to enjoy it in. Watching people order their food and look for a seat can be entertaining at times. At one point, a younger couple, I’d say in their late 20’s, came in and got their coffees. They looked over the layout of the place, then she took one for the team and roamed the aisle, examining the seating for that just right spot for her and her male companion. It didn’t take her long to come back and shake her head, indicating that nothing in that direction was suitable. I peered out of my booth after they turned the other way and noticed that most of the booths were empty, as were the two-seater round tables further down. I don’t know what criteria they had for their just right spot, but, apparently they weren’t met in that direction. I didn’t bother to see if they stuck it out at the front of the restaurant, I just went back to my book and experienced Bella’s first day at her new high school.

A nice couple in their 40’s or 50’s sat in the booth across the aisle from me with a newspaper and a book. They had coffee and I don’t believe either of them uttered more than a few words the whole time they were there. In fact, at one point I looked in their direction and saw a father daughter team in the same spot. Either I was engrossed in the book or they were really stealth, as were the father and daughter. Hm. The father and daughter were dressed nicely, probably for church or something, so I could tell that they weren’t out just giving mom a break. It was really cute, and you could tell the little girl, probably around 7 or 8, was proud to be out with her Daddy carrying her purse and wearing a pretty skirt with party shoes. Does anyone call them that any more, ‘party shoes’?

I wasn’t expecting the book to read as easily as it does. I’d been told over and over how easy a read it was, but, usually when I hear that it turns out to read like The Oddyssey, anything but what I would call easy. This, though, really is easy and I flew through 60+ pages that I read this morning. Having only gotten through roughly 4 chapters, I will reserve any review of the story itself, but will admit that I’m enjoying it and can envision carving out some time to read it throughout the coming weeks. Not sure it will take me that long, but, my reading time is scarce and once it’s dark outside, an open book is as good as NyQuil for me.

My morning out, alone, was refreshing. As the clock rounded 10:00, I saved my page with a napkin, got my coat on, and topped off my coffee before heading to my car. I wasn’t leaving quite yet, I had one thing I wanted to do first. Barnes and Nobel. At a play date the kids and I went on yesterday, a great responsibility chart was recommended by the hosting mom. This thing is just what I’ve been trying to come up with myself for my kids (and myself). I spent my time on me and now I had to do something that would make me feel better, even if it’s kind of for someone else. I knew these cost around $20, and that’s really all I had on me, so I only was able to buy one today. I’ll get the second in a couple weeks after the next pay day (or I’ll get it online for less!). Honestly, despite the fact that I spent money, it made me feel better to get the chart, knowing that I could begin to apply the responsibilities and impending rewards with Ethel as early as today. This made me feel almost as good as treating myself to me time!

As I left, I felt relaxed, not worried about my day, and actually looking forward to time with my kids and husband. That hasn’t been the case for the past couple months, though. Funny how a mere couple of hours out of the house can recharge me. Even if it’s just for today, I’m happy to have had this time to read, drink coffee, and people watch. I look forward to doing it again next week, and more often as time goes by.